Welcome, ghouls and boors! Tonight we have an endearing story about one man's pursuit of bringing to life a germ of an idea. Do you like puppets and costumes and Halloween? Well, I sure do. Any holiday where you can roam the neighborhood threatening vandalism and receiving candy for said threats is more than all right with me. Trick OR Treat! In fact, of all the holidays, I believe Halloween to be the most fittingly American! Time and again America has threatened people into giving us a free meal. That is what America is based upon; taking what you want no matter the morality or justness. That's pretty much how we got this wondrous land in the first place, isn't it? Geez, I sure can get off subject quickly, eh?

Here is a very early picture of FrankenStone. Originally, he could move his eyes and 'mouth' as well as his head. I used some industrial paper mache for structural strength on that carboard chest form. In October 2003 my family and I went to see Bear in the Big Blue House - LIVE! Now, I would usually never spend that kind of money to see such a blatantly money-grubbing and expensive show. I mean, the products that were shamelessly hawked at this show, from freakish laser-chamber flashlights to irritating balloons that obscured the view of those in the audience behind them, were also much more expensive than they should be considering that some starving child in China more than likely worked an eleven hour day to make the crap they sold. We all know how cheap stuff from China can be. The show-people know they have you when your poor child cries for what the other children have. Now I should go on to say that the show is probably very expensive to stage and has many expenses like travel and lodging for all its workers and rental of the venue. That said, I really doubt that this show, or the many other traveling Disney shows, ever 'scrapes by' on its earnings. I would bet my dog's balls that it keeps all the higher-ups more than amply supplied with little red sports cars, hookers and blow. I would also wager that the hard-working people that actually work the show barely make enough for a good meal at AppleBee's. (In my experience, a GOOD meal at AppleBee's is a very hit-and-miss thing. More often than not the service is average and the food is sub-par.) But enough about the shameless marketing they indulge in just because they know little Billy will get his $17 dollar chinese flashlight no matter that his family will miss their rent payment and be out on the srtreet.. At least they will have a flashlight to see with, until the batteries run dead. And don't even get me started on the blatant marketing they did at the Beauty and the Beast On Ice show. Sheesh...off-topic again! My wonderful wife won the tickets from a radio contest. There! That's my point! Free Tickets! YAY! Before I get angry responses from performers and workers for the show I must say that the show was great and we really enjoyed it...most of it at least.

Inside Frank the operator wears a tight-fitting pitcher's helmet that can mirror and project the operators head movements onto FrankenStone's head (in theory). The upper helmet pivots on a billiard ball and funnel arrangement. If you haven't seen Bear in the Big Blue House then you should visit this website. Go on! I'll Wait!...OK! You're back. See, Bear has a person inside of that seven foot costume, just like Big Bird or Barkley or Snuffleupagus . Those are very convincing costumes. They are self-contained and elaborately articulated. They sometimes have cameras in their eyes and viewscreens internal for the operators to see so as not to break the illusion of reality they project with a fakey looking panel to see through. They can move their eyes, nose, ears, mouth, arms, hands, legs, tails, setra-so-forth. Really cool stuff! That's why I built FrankenStone! To be cool... Fonzie was cool. Fonzie was bigger-than-life. Fonzie was articulated. WOW...How about a giant Fonzie costume? Now that would be doubly COOL! Aaaayyyy!!!

So, I came home from the Bear in the Big Blue House Sales and Marketing Extravaganza thinking about the mechanics involved in bringing that very large blue-house dwelling bear to 'life'. That idea stewed in my loco cabesa until, in September 2004, with Halloween just a month and a half away, I decided to see what I could throw together with the junk I have in the basement. Like a truly mad scientist, I just kept putting pieces onto parts until I had a basic frame that you could wear with a head above. I then took it outside into the shed and proceeded to build a cardboard chest shape around his frame. Franks arms can be raised in a typical sleep-walking FrankenStein way. They are just 3/4-inch PVC secured so that they pivot. His coat is a specially modified, four dollar GoodWill purchase. It was the largest I could find and it still needed a foot-wide panel added to the back and a mock vest sewn onto the front. He wears a large black sweater that is cut to fit so that it only shows what you see. Finding a sweater large enough to fit Frank would be impossible. His pants are two dollar, size 56 waist, GoodWill treasures. Franks hands are four dollar specialty gloves from Home Depot filled with PVC tubing for fingers and chunks of foam to give them their form.

The only way that FrankenStone travels; chauffeur-driven LeBaron luxury! Seriously, he is just too large to fit into most vehicles. I suppose he could sit in the back of a pickup or lay down in an empty mini-van but he really prefers the luxury of a LeBaron convertible.

Franks frame weighs 34 pounds. Here Frank hangs empty eagerly awaiting a night of Trick-or-Treating. He actually did make it out that year, 2004. He didn't get much candy though. It was just too much trouble climbing porch steps and avoiding carports and awnings.

The eye's didn't ever really work well, so when Star Wars:Revenge of the Sith opened in May 2005 I removed the eyes and stuck a 25 dollar Darth Vader mask on him. I took a black sheet and made a cape, also. I realize that Vader didn't use a purple light saber but I just didn't want to afford the Star Wars Episode III Electronic Anakin Skywalker Lightsaber. Frank didn't mind. He was just glad to be out from the shed.

Here is FrankenVader at the theatre on opening night. He did not get to see the movie. He was just there for the waiting of the doors to open and the dedicated and costumed crowd to file into the theatre. FrankVader did get to be on the local news for about 2 seconds. FrankenVader went home alone that night in a state of utter despondency that left him immobile for a year and a half.

Frank spent a lot of time just hanging around, waiting for his head. A year and a half later, October 2006, I finally took some time to carve him a head. That stuff what I used is Great Stuff expanding foam. It is not the best thing to sculpt with as evidenced by the end-results. You can only place about two inches of the stuff at once because it must have air to cure. Otherwise, the stuff just contracts into wet goo and waits for the air to hit it. I first filled a bucket with the foam and stuck the helmet into it. When I attempted to remove it from the bucket I learned that only the top couple of inches had hardened and the rest of the bucket was just a large air space with a half-inch layer of goo at the bottom. I then applied about four layers of foam to get the shape you see above. After some shaping of the eventual lump of foam I was able to create on the helmet, I Sharpied that face onto Frank in the hopes of carving something that looked like a face onto Franks new head.

The foam was not deep enough to carve into as the helmet was so close under the surface so I applied more foam strategically and carved into that. The head-bolts are actually very large nuts and half inch PVC sections attached to the helmet with 3/8 inch carriage bolts. The eyes are foam balls I lifted from Six-Flags Looney Tunes Acme Prop Warehouse, which is an indoor treehouse filled with foam balls for the children to romp in. I got that description from Wiki and it is not nearly descriptive enough of the fun that is the Looney Tunes Acme Prop Warehouse. The place is the size of half a gymnasium and multi-leveled with tunnels, balconies,ladders and slides. They have mesh bags which you can fill up with those foam balls. There are literally thousands of these balls in there. There are also ball-guns which kids can use to shoot the balls with plenty of targets that react when shot. It is really a fun time. I wish Chuckie Cheese had a room like that. Anyway...After a thorough application of acrylic artist paints Frank looked just as good as I could make him look given the time considerations and the boredom and skill factors.

I screwed a Hacienda frisbee on his head and stretched a five dollar Wal-Mart Halloween wig onto that frisbee.

Here is FrankenStone about to eat some children. Those boots he wears need some large clunky platforms on them but safety is an issue and it would be really hard to make effective and safe platforms. Frank stands eight feet tall. The boots are size sixteen, water-proof, Salvation Army, four-dollar beauties. They have a pair of size ten, four-dollar, Salvation Army, Nike tennisshoes in them to keep them on the feet of us mere mortals.

I feel that FrankenStone turned out a bit feminine but I just don't really care anymore. After two years, what I am most proud of and thankful for is that I can consider Frank DONE! Good Enough! Let's do something else! OK then! Although...I have entertained the idea of making a second head, getting different clothes and...well...can anyone say FrankenSanta? Just imagine, if you will, an eight foot, five hundred pound, holly-jolly, Ho, Ho, Ho, run-for-the-hills-'cause-you've-been-naughty-this-year Santa Clause! Frank would also make a great Uncle Sam! FrankenSam? Or? How about an eight-foot tall Easter Bunny? You get the idea. Frank could be a very versatile sort of guy. If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.

And what message would I like to pass on with this article? I don't know. That ingenuity and creativity are important to the human race and especially America? That one crazy guy and his fevered dreams of a larger-than-life costume can inspire and fulfill? That some people should not be left alone with too much time on their hands? Or perhaps some other entirely different message lies within...a message that you, the reader, can develop and contribute. As for me...Don't know! Don't Care! DONE!